Read the Room: Good Communication Starts Before You Speak

Part 1 of 3 in a series on communicating well in schools and on campuses.

Sometimes the message is fine, and the problem is everything around it: the timing, the setting, the method, or the fact that the person receiving it needed something different than the person sending it expected.

In my Say What You Mean workshop, I tell people that if they remember only one thing, it should be time, place, and manner. Before you speak or hit send, think about when, where, and how you’re communicating. Even a clear message gets harder to receive when the conditions around it are working against you. And in schools and on campuses, where everyone is busy and moving fast, those conditions are working against us more often than we notice.

Timing: the late-night email

We rush communication in education. We’ve added everything to our phones: email, calendar, Teams, Slack, Canvas, you name it. We do it with good intentions. If something quick comes up while I’m away from my desk, I can handle it. But too often, those tools become a way to work longer and later.

Here’s a familiar one. An idea hits you at night, and you don’t want to forget it, so you open your email on your phone and fire off a quick note. They’ll see it in the morning, right? The problem is that the idea often isn’t ready to share yet, or you need more input before you can send the best version of it. A better move is to write it and leave it in your drafts, or send it to yourself, so you can come back to it in the morning when you’re fresh and thinking more clearly.

There’s a second cost, too. When you send email late at night, even if it’s the right information, you start creating an expectation that late-night communication is normal, and your team begins to feel like they have to reply. I was very guilty of this early in my career. The comment I kept hearing the next day was, “Oh, you were up late.” I had to recognize the pattern I was creating. Everyone’s hours look different now, especially with remote and flexible schedules. If you work late, that’s fine. Schedule the email to go out in the morning.

Timing matters with families, too. A message about a schedule change that lands late Friday night can leave parents scrambling all weekend. The same message sent Friday morning, with clear details, gives them time to plan.

Place: know what’s a hallway conversation

We have so many conversations throughout the day, and not all of them belong in the hallway. A good rule: if you need to lower your voice or step to the side to have the conversation, unless it’s truly urgent, save it for your office or a meeting, somewhere with a door or at least another layer of privacy.

Educators are busy, moving from room to room, and the hallway may be the only time you see someone all day. In that moment, pause, share a quick version of what you want to discuss, and agree on a time to follow up.

An office isn’t automatically private, either. If you know a conversation might involve confidential information, like a student’s record or behavior, take a moment to close the door or move somewhere more secure. I’ve made this mistake many times. The office suite looks empty, so I don’t close the door. Then I get absorbed in the conversation, someone walks in without me noticing, and they hear things they shouldn’t.

Next in this series: what email is (and isn’t) for, and how messages get distorted in “the meeting after the meeting.”